4 Practices for Kindling Love in Marriage


Last month I lost my mom (you can read her tribute here), and my dad lost the love of his life of over 55 years. My parents were not perfect, nor did they have a perfect marriage. I know that because I know my own life, and we all have struggles and imperfections.

One thing was for sure – they kept the right priorities of their marriage and family. Despite attractive offers with the FBI and coaching NCAA Division I basketball teams, Dad and Mom always filtered their decisions through the lenses of their marriage and family.

There are no quick formulas for an easy marriage, but I have noticed four things Mom and Dad did over their 55 years together:

They were partners. They each operated in their areas of strength and passion. Mom helped dad behind the scenes because she had the gift of service. Dad knew his success as a coach was largely due to her involvement. After Dad retired to a small community in northern Wisconsin, he was offered the high school girls basketball coaching job of New Auburn – population 458. The team had not won a single game in six straight years. Dad agreed to take the job, but only if Mom was hired as the assistant coach. Together, they took the team to the state championships!

They showed affection for one another. I remember the safe feeling I had growing up as a child when Dad would give my Mom a big hug. The week before she died, she came into the room and gave my dad a kiss. They loved each other and were not afraid of showing it. Dad said they never missed a day without telling each other, “I love you”.

They cared for one another during times of sickness. Several times when my Dad had “close calls” with serious illnesses, Mom nursed him to health. When Mom was diagnosed with cancer, Dad cared for her. His life revolved around doctors’ visits, blood work and taking mom to chemo until the very end.

They never stopped dating. Every Friday night growing up, my siblings and I were abandoned and subjugated to frozen fish sticks for dinner. Mom and Dad were out on a date. They dated before getting married and continued to date for 55 years.

We left their home on the lake in northern Wisconsin after spending a week with Mom and Dad; I asked Dad what was the secret of maintaining love and marriage for so long. He looked at my Mom and started singing, “We’ve only just begun…” She died unexpectedly three short days later. He held her hand as she passed into eternity and said he had lost the love of his life. And indeed she was.

What do you do to keep the fire burning in your marriage? What do you need to start doing again to rekindle the sparks?

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About Steve Morgan

I work in Global Leadership Development with Cru with my wife, Terry. We have been married 30 years and have 4 grown children. We have a Masters in Global Leadership together through Azusa Pacific University. I generally write about 5 “L’s: Living Well, Loving Deeply, Learning Continuously, Leading Courageously and Leaving a Legacy. I occasionally write about Laughing Loudly. Subscribe on the right side to receive an email whenever there is a new post. I invite you to leave your comments so we can dialogue on the various topics and learn from each other. If you are new to the site, you might start with looking at some of the top posts or doing a search on the right side bar for one of the 5 “L’s” that interest you. Or you can view the blog archives for topics. Photo Credit: sarahjoellephotography.com
This entry was posted in Love Deeply, Marriage and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to 4 Practices for Kindling Love in Marriage

  1. Dulce says:

    que edificante conocer de la experiencia de tus papás, gracias por compartir, llevaré esto en mi corazón. Un abrazo

  2. Christian says:

    Hi steve me encanto tu mensaje especialmente para mi y mi esposa, mis padres han sido ejemplo para mi pero creo que tu papa y mama nos han dejado su legado en como llevar un matrimonio hasta el ultimo momento. Pero sabemos que Ella esta con Dios. Hope to see you really soon

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